


Just be

by Iamnamedsilence



Series: The Sickness of Spark [7]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22158700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamnamedsilence/pseuds/Iamnamedsilence
Summary: Megatron remembers bad things that happened - and a good one he has now is still hard to believe in.
Relationships: Megatron/Optimus Prime
Series: The Sickness of Spark [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1454044
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53
Collections: MegOP Week 2020





	Just be

When he wakes up, he is not sure where he is.

He remembers that they cut his back open and pulled out the wiring. They had him sedated, but this had only stopped him from slaughtering them when the pain started. They did it on purpose. They wanted him to suffer. It would be better if he died, but they left him, attached to the generator that kept him immovable, half-conscious and barely aware of what was happening, his life turned into endless existence on the edge of pain.

Now he feels pressure on his back, the suggestion of twisted cabling inside, but this is not serious, a minor discomfort far away from the pain. He is also aware of someone pressed to his back: a large frame, a hand wrapped around his waist. It feels good, and he remembers that the fingers holding him are blue.

This is a dream, he thinks, I am dreaming and I am still there, in my prison, in pain.

I deserve that, and not being held like this, recharging in someone’s arms.

But he is not imprisoned anymore. They got him out, risking everything, idiots. They should have left him, his pain was nothing compared to every suffering he had caused, compared to the risk of another war. They shouldn't have done it, but they did and he is grateful for this impossible situation.

Another frame, a large, heavy mech presses against his back. Blue hand around his waist. Faceplates on the nape of his neck. It feels so good and so unreal. Where was the last time he recharged with someone like this? He cannot remember.

He remembers the pain though and it is too vivid, and he shivers.

The mech at his back moves, a hand sliding up and down his waist, a kiss pressed to the neck. This kiss is chaste, but it burns: it is undeserved.

"Hey. Are you ok?"

How to answer that? He is not ok. He cannot be.

He wants to turn around, but he fears that there will be no brilliant blue eyes, only emptiness, only return to the numbness of isolation and pain.

"Megatron" the voice is soft and soothing.

"I had dreamed of my prison".

The pressure gets stronger now, turning into the reassuring embrace.

"It is over. You are not there anymore"

"You know it doesn't help. I deserved that. I don't deserve this."

"No one would ever deserve what they did to you."

This is true. The imprisonment was unnecessary torture. He knows that and he also is aware that he agreed to the punishment.

It would be for the best if he died, executed or assassinated by the little human soldier, but he is alive and free, and his sworn enemy had helped him to escape and holds him now, faceplates brushing against the back of the helmet, and there is this weird mix of affection and possessiveness in this gesture, and he wants it like nothing else.

He wants to be alive, he wants to be free, he wants this mech with blue hands and blue eyes, the impossible chance they got. He fears he will destroy it, because most of his life was dedicated to destruction and he still feels the urge coded so deeply, it would be hard to remove all the lines without complete processor format, and he would never allow any mnemosurgeon to touch him. He needs to live with this.

"I know"

Now he has the courage to turn. He sees a pair of blue eyes glowing in the darkness and a concerned smile on the mouth he sometimes had it difficult to believe even existed. A familiar blue helm with long, slender finials, a far too handsome face, lips he will probably never have enough of. He feels an almost painful rush in his spark. A rush of feelings that are terrifying, because there is a name for them, a name he would never dare to speak.

He feels a hand stroking face, strong fingers that could dent his plating are gentle now. He wants to melt and he probably makes an expression that is unsuitable for the legendary warlord, because the other mech smiles with so much affection it hurts.

He can't stand this smile. He mutters a curse and presses his face against his partner's neck cabling. He feels it vibrating under his faceplates, a nice feeling of the other mech's delicate components so close, of having someone trust him enough to allow it.

This is unfair. His partner has it worse, with his spark plagued by the feeling of emptiness and lost purpose. They are two old, broken mechanisms: they had broken each other and they should not be here together now.

But they are.

"Megatron?"

"Shut up" he mutters. "Just shut up and be here with me and I'll be here with you."

"Yes," he hears. "Yes. That's what we are going to do."

**Author's Note:**

> I am working on a longer story I will be posting towards the end of MegOP week, but I couldn't sleep tonight and I kept thinking of Megatron being unable to sleep. So. This. I just love those two old messed up idiots too much.
> 
> It is set right after chapter 21 of Loyalties. That is, after they cleaned up, went to talk to Soundwave and found a big enough berth :)


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